Ellington Banks: 18-03-2025

     

Pateley Pigeon Post   

MOD steps up training
by war correspondent A. Hack

With all the uncertainty in the world today, it is important that countries have the means to protect themselves. This week, at the MOD training ground at Ellington Banks, I was invited to visit to find out just how the UK is developing its defence capabilities. I arrived to find large numbers of camouflaged soldiers and military vehicles - just as you would expect. 

However, I was rather taken by surprise by an additional group of army personnel. They were wearing navy blue:

...and had arrived in modern cars: 

The only sounds that could be heard throughout the day were those of the natural world and the clipping of loppers and the the rasping of saws:

There was also the sound of the laughter and chatter, rather than gun shots and explosions:

The only smoke came, not from bombs, but from a bonfire, which two of these MOD 'eco warriors' (for that's what they called themselves) got going as soon as they arrived.

Apparently they were in training for the battles against invading alder and birch armies intent on taking control of areas where great crested newts, butterflies and moths and rare magnesian limestone grassland flowers live. And there was plenty of material for them to train with - both near the car park:

...and further away:

They explained that, by practising their skills at Ellington Banks (where this is an ongoing issue), these eco-warriors would be fighting fit to be sent anywhere in the world where such conflicts flare up.

Here are some further pictures to give you a better insight into how the MOD trains the foot soldiers that they normally keep quiet about. 

They were made to work in  teams at either end of the site:

Many of them were having to carry heavy bales of brash to the fire:

Any squaddie that failed to use the approved 'over the shoulder' method soon  realised their mistake as they started to lose their load en route:

The army provided very healthy extra rations when the troops were allowed a short rest. A packet of lemon puff biscuits and orange flavoured chocolate biscuits ensure they got two of their 5 a day  fruits. Citrus fruits too, to avoid scurvy developing:

Some of the brash was made into habitat piles - the making of which developed the important skills of understanding how to store sticks both horizontally and vertically:

Two of the squaddies got into trouble from Sargeant Wilson for sunbathing at lunchtime. They both claimed that they were simply demonstrating what was meant by 'horizontal':

The Sarge told Private Ken not to be cheeky and was sent off to hammer in vertical stakes:

Discipline was harsh. Private Anita, overwhelmed by the hot weather, decided to do a strip tease:

That did not go down well! Captain Mainwaring sent her off to the cooler and ordered her to stay there for a week. When Private Amy commented on the harshness of the punishment she was made to do 50 sit ups with the extra weight of the company dog Gus sitting on top of her:

By the time the training day came to an end it was clear that the strict discipline had paid off. Both ends of the area were well clear of invading scrub. It was truly remarkable to see such a crack team in action:

I think that you will agree, we can all sleep soundly in our beds knowing that these eco-warriors are ready for battle whenever they are needed.