Hackfall: 23-07-2024

 The Hackfall Evening News

Sports Column - 

by correspondent 

Peregrine Peabody

Cage Fighting Warriors Win Through

 With Wimbledon and the Euros over,  one would have thought that we could all draw a breath and relax  before the onset of the Olympic Games. How wrong one would have been to have had such a thought!

 

No. A much more important event on the sporting calendar awaited us all this week. The 2024 Cage Fighting final, between cage fighters ''The NCV Warriors' and the team everybody loves to hate, 'Bracken and Balsam the Bogeymen, was scheduled to take place on Tuesday. It was a rematch after the previous attempt at the title had to be cut short due to extreme wet weather conditions.

There were no worries about rain this time. Before walking a mile and a half to the stadium the warriors warmed up in their dressing room with a tree removal exercise.

 

 

 

Slasher Randall (left) and the Terrible Two (right) were soon warmed up and ready to fight.

 

 

Once they reached the stadium The Warriors had first to locate their respective cages - not an easy task given the huge audience of Bogeymen supporters surrounding each one.

 

Eventually they were located, but then had to be circumnavigated to find the entrances. The Bogeymen were determined to make life difficult for their opponents.

When The Warriors finally got to the doorways a terrifying sight met their eyes. The cages were bursting with Bogeymen. And, to make matters worse, they had taken a number of young trees hostage and had hidden them within their crowds - simple slashing was not an option!!

 

However, undaunted, The Warriors strode into their respective cages - 2 fighters against many. The audience watched in eager anticipation as the referee held up his hand before blowing on his whistle.  With a short sharp blast the signal went out and The Warriors wasted no time. 

 

 BIFF! BANG! WALLOP! CRUNCH! At first it was carnage and things looked bad for The Warriors. The wild rose hostages did not endear themselves to their rescuers, ripping into The Warriors' clothing and bare skin. The audience lapped that up, chanting 'Submit, submit!!'  

However - with judicious use of loppers to prune the roses, The Warriors started to make headway, slashing or rolling the Bogeymen into bundles and trampling the despicable vegetation into a mulch. The Bogeymen didn't stand a chance despite their every effort to prevent the onslaught. The Warriors laid waste to every stem inside their alloted cages. They even had sufficient energy for a second bout in a different cage. 

They are a truly impressive group of cage fighters and deserve the 2024 trophy, which will be given place of honour on the rafter in their workshop gym.